looking back on yesterdays

seems like i have became very "emo"

lol,

nah,

sometimes its gd to reallly think through the aims and reasons in ur life,

makes it easier to swallow.

today was a rather ok time in school,

except pw,

which is rather very stressful as i believe that my group is well behind time,

it mainly my fault

as i am not able to drive my team properly

i fell kinda useless now,

still got endless hw to complete,

and i still do not feel gd abt our GPP.

i am scared,
real scared.

well,

thats life?

is it?

i got no idea

i miss my guys in SAS very very much

i miss 4s1 especially,

as well as the NCOs in SASNCC 05/06

i really missed the days where fun laughter peace and joy was an everyday encounter,

seems like in the jc

i find myself hard to relate to people,

people in jc do not seems to accept others

whom are not in their "click"

i am having a hard time in photography,

some dudes seems to have some problem with me,

they seems to dislike me,

i do feels that some people in my class do feels the same way,

but hey,

we cannot make the world like u aye?

thankfully,

lin qiang is one guy that had always been there for me,

he is always there to listen,

and his advice is always true.

without him as my friend,

i might be at a worst state now.

i believe thats why i feel so stress up in class,

trying to be the guy where everyone can accept me for,

well?

yea i am having a hard time.

but thankfully,

there is no one in the class whom is anti christian,

at least i am able to say i am a christian and people respect my religion,

however,

i still miss the "brotherness" in SAS,

where we seems so united,

where i knew so many dudes in school,

where i spent my most joyful,

my most happy times with the people i can relate,

can have fun with.

seems like everyday when i go to school,

i gotta look at people "face"

it kinds of irritates me alot.

is it respect?

is it friendship?

is it hostilty ?

i got no idea.

but its a whole new world here,

i am lucky to find a friend whom backs me when i need help,

not forgetting the guys in SAS,

but now,

here in srjc,

everyone is so competetive,

everyone seems to be fighting for "leadership, fame,"

but no one seems to be fighting for whats right,

lin qiang asked a question todae

"jun liang, why be such a good person?"

from his tone,

i believe he has been through experiences where being a gd person is a bad choice,

i do sometimes ask myself,

why am i doing the extra mile,

where others can help themselves?

i often find myself sincerly wanting to help a person,

but ended up being an "extra"

sometimes,

being kind,

is not a good thing at all.

in srjc,

there is no more

"u help me and i help u"

spirit,

whereas here is,

"u can help me, if i benefit, i will ask u more,
if u can't, u suck, get the &^$# out of my face"

seems as though its everyman for himself,

and i,

fishoutofwater,

is in no mans land,

i am holding on to a thread,

using my fins,

gasping for air,

to reach in to the "ocean"

i feel useless now,

i do not know why,

am i mad?

perhaps its a boys school thing,

where guys are just easy going,

whereas here,

i still cannot seem to meet the expectations of our female counterparts,

they seems to be so demanding,

and they seems to be against me,

i am finding it hard to please others,

BUT WAIT,

why am i wanting to please others?

why am i making myself a fool in class and in the world?

i got no idea,

perhaps i should be my "SAS self" again

i can't wait to get out of this place,

i wanna do my grades well,

and get out of here.

this is not the place for me.

i hate it.

however,

there are still some nice people around,

i hope.

i need the strength to carry on.

i just feel like crying now.

i need support,

and i got none.

where is my buddies when i need them most?

where is 4s1,

where is sasncc,

they are all the living past.

well,

like the marines in america always say,

"welcome to the suck"

yea,

i am in the suck,

and i am

FUBAR.

i am angry, fustrated, pissed.

i want to do well in my studies,

but i just cannot seems to concentrate.

i am losing it.

its getting on me again.

but

i cannot give up now

no never,

i cannot,

i cannot affrod.

for my dream,

i must fight on

till my last ounce of spirit,

i will carry on,

one by one,

day by day,

its comming,

and i am prepared,

i hope...

looking back on yesterdays

seems like i have became very "emo"

lol,

nah,

sometimes its gd to reallly think through the aims and reasons in ur life,

makes it easier to swallow.

today was a rather ok time in school,

except pw,

which is rather very stressful as i believe that my group is well behind time,

it mainly my fault

as i am not able to drive my team properly

i fell kinda useless now,

still got endless hw to complete,

and i still do not feel gd abt our GPP.

i am scared,
real scared.

well,

thats life?

is it?

i got no idea

i miss my guys in SAS very very much

i miss 4s1 especially,

as well as the NCOs in SASNCC 05/06

i really missed the days where fun laughter peace and joy was an everyday encounter,

seems like in the jc

i find myself hard to relate to people,

people in jc do not seems to accept others

whom are not in their "click"

i am having a hard time in photography,

some dudes seems to have some problem with me,

they seems to dislike me,

i do feels that some people in my class do feels the same way,

but hey,

we cannot make the world like u aye?

thankfully,

lin qiang is one guy that had always been there for me,

he is always there to listen,

and his advice is always true.

without him as my friend,

i might be at a worst state now.

i believe thats why i feel so stress up in class,

trying to be the guy where everyone can accept me for,

well?

yea i am having a hard time.

but thankfully,

there is no one in the class whom is anti christian,

at least i am able to say i am a christian and people respect my religion,

however,

i still miss the "brotherness" in SAS,

where we seems so united,

where i knew so many dudes in school,

where i spent my most joyful,

my most happy times with the people i can relate,

can have fun with.

seems like everyday when i go to school,

i gotta look at people "face"

it kinds of irritates me alot.

is it respect?

is it friendship?

is it hostilty ?

i got no idea.

but its a whole new world here,

i am lucky to find a friend whom backs me when i need help,

not forgetting the guys in SAS,

but now,

here in srjc,

everyone is so competetive,

everyone seems to be fighting for "leadership, fame,"

but no one seems to be fighting for whats right,

lin qiang asked a question todae

"jun liang, why be such a good person?"

from his tone,

i believe he has been through experiences where being a gd person is a bad choice,

i do sometimes ask myself,

why am i doing the extra mile,

where others can help themselves?

i often find myself sincerly wanting to help a person,

but ended up being an "extra"

sometimes,

being kind,

is not a good thing at all.

in srjc,

there is no more

"u help me and i help u"

spirit,

whereas here is,

"u can help me, if i benefit, i will ask u more,
if u can't, u suck, get the &^$# out of my face"

seems as though its everyman for himself,

and i,

fishoutofwater,

is in no mans land,

i am holding on to a thread,

using my fins,

gasping for air,

to reach in to the "ocean"

i feel useless now,

i do not know why,

am i mad?

perhaps its a boys school thing,

where guys are just easy going,

whereas here,

i still cannot seem to meet the expectations of our female counterparts,

they seems to be so demanding,

and they seems to be against me,

i am finding it hard to please others,

BUT WAIT,

why am i wanting to please others?

why am i making myself a fool in class and in the world?

i got no idea,

perhaps i should be my "SAS self" again

i can't wait to get out of this place,

i wanna do my grades well,

and get out of here.

this is not the place for me.

i hate it.

however,

there are still some nice people around,

i hope.

i need the strength to carry on.

i just feel like crying now.

i need support,

and i got none.

where is my buddies when i need them most?

where is 4s1,

where is sasncc,

they are all the living past.

well,

like the marines in america always say,

"welcome to the suck"

yea,

i am in the suck,

and i am

FUBAR.

i am angry, fustrated, pissed.

i want to do well in my studies,

but i just cannot seems to concentrate.

i am losing it.

its getting on me again.

but

i cannot give up now

no never,

i cannot,

i cannot affrod.

for my dream,

i must fight on

till my last ounce of spirit,

i will carry on,

one by one,

day by day,

its comming,

and i am prepared,

i hope...