lets clarify things today, now. lol, theres nth between the both of us. she is just a girl, and i am a boy, and we are just friends. nth else, she told me nth else, so ppl like cheong wei, pls, stop bugging me to tell u anything ok... even to the end of times, there can be nth between us(thats what she says)

so...

lol, watched the SYFC video on the airplane checks, i was laughing all the way man. it was like somekinda cheepo video with cheap voice over as a guide to help u in the external, internal, on flight, touch down checks. i thought it will be all talking, BUT, the last part was in the sky! IN THE SKY!!! argh!!!!!!!!!!!! freaking cool man!!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol, it seems that tuning, yawing, pitching is much easier than the never ending checks. (must be done in correct order) i now realise that if i do sth wrong, i will be scolded, cursed upon, and i might even die... LOL. thank God for creating the skies... its so beautiful up there... if you are those people that think that singapore is small, it is indeed small, and very congested from up in the sky, and i tell you, I CAN SEE UR HOME!!! ARGH!!!!! lol. its damn cool...

today is national day. for the whole event, the only thing that excite me the most is the FLYBY by the f-16s. lol, i was hopping, jumping and screaming my lungs out when the f-16s flew by my home. AR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! theres this part on TV where they show the view from the f-16 cockpit looking at another f-16 as the flew so low across the marina bay area!!!! AR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was freaking cool man!!!! AR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol, i was so excited, i forgot that i was already a 17++ year old... i really really want to be a pilot! i cannot help it but dream of me and lin qiang both in an f-15 jet, flying across the sky, doing missions. DAMN!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!! it will be so cool. lol.

sometimes in life, its better that you clarify everything before doing sth. even though you might sound like a bastard, mother fucker or asshole, even an idiot, its better that you put things right before any misunderstnading occurs. people (at least for my case) tend to think otherwise of you, and especially your actions. therefore, a lesson well learnt today. seems like there is already many misunderstandings, therefore, gotta put things striaght. especially if your friend of the opposite sex is already attached. i just wanna play safe, and just do not want people, especially in church to say things about me again. (i still cannot get over it). really considering to change church, its like... my classmates ask me, why am i like so antisocial in school when i go to church, a place where i mix around with people, both male and female.

heres why (i am not condemning my church, just stating wad happened). it all began when i entered youth service in sec 1. maybe its luck or fate or bad luck, theres only the 4 of us (sec 1s) to enter youth. we were kinda like the smallest batch, at least when we were transfered to youth service. the 4 of us have been together since primary 1, so we are kinda close, so close that we would always hang around in junior church. perhaps its me, perhaps its my face, perhaps its just me, perhaps it my fate, but its just that some people kinda hate me, especially girls (until now, theres no change where girls will just hate me, today, even in SRJC, people just hate me). perhaps its the way i talk, the way i move, the way i look at people, the wya i think, the way i sit, the clothes i wear, people just have sth against me. yes i know its normal for people not accepting you, but its like a MAJOR, a super big scale for me. lets take SRJC for example, my class, my group in ASPIRE camp, photography, the people seems to hate me, and they hate me for things that i do. i do not know are they jealous, or are they just against me, but everything i do, does not seems to be correct, everything i do is wrong, everything i do IS WRONG, IS NOT GD, ITS AGAINST THEM. THEY JUST FREAKING HATE ME. lol. guess i have grown to be immuned to it, (5 years now). perhaps its they way i talk, but when i propose sth to my class for exmple, there is never a reply. when someone else does it, the class reacts. lol, with such examples, i can kinda conclude that life is pretty hard on me yea? i guess for you guys whom tried to comfort me, its true right? eventually, at least for what had happened in church, rumours were spread(rumors that hurt till now), i was called names (how does jinx sound to you?) in the end, 2 of my friends could not stand it, and they left church...

P.S. i am not saying that my church is bad, nor its people evil, and that all churches are bad, and that we christians is bad, all these is just what i have faced. pls do not because of what i have said, prevent you from being a christian... GOD is good ok...

i get really jealous when people can have so many friends around them. things are so different in SRJC and church. its like, i only know a handful of people in these places. whereas in SAS, i knew almost everybody. people will call me across the school building, people will say hi, they will talk to me, they will at least nod a head. i knew so many people in SAS thati feel like home. i never dreaded to go to school, until now, today. i maybe thinking too much, but even the girl from my ASPIRE camp group, ignores me when i smile at her (i dunno her name). lol, perhaps its a price to pay for a photographer, but Yi Bing does not have a problem to have friends, perhaps because he is one handsome, funny, easy going person. too bad yea? even for those whom i thought were "friends", their motive is to get their photos thats all...(they curse and swear at you, then smile and make friends with you after that to get photos, and then, BYE BYE SUCKER) lol, is this the "materialristic world" that i am going to face when i go to work?

well, i got nobody to blame but myself i guess, lol, born out to be like that.

remeber guan jie from my class speaking of commiting suicide, i dunno if what ever he said was true, or just mere blabber of words. he asked if i ever wanted to commit suicide, guess?

i said yes, wanted to do so when i was in sec 2, after what had happened in church, and also because of my results, my life, in fact it was everything. lol. climbed at the window when nobody was at home. i remebered it was at night, i was at the kitchen... it was dark, i was crying, damn scared... i looked down, and guess what, i got no balls, decided not to do so...(i was shivering...)

that was where i realised if i had jumped...man... i would be in hell...forever

thank God...

have you guys ever thought where you guys will be going when you are dead? all i want to know is that i want to go to paradise, away from this stupid place... (no wonder suicide bombers are so willing to blow themselves up, perhaps they are so sick of their lives...)

but, gotta carry on no matter what yea?

(some of you guys will be thinging in ur mind...junliang/kenneth is an EMO kid...)

why not try and live my life for one day? where i have to consider whatever i want to say, do think, do, before i can even start to do it. it seems like everything i do for/to somebody, comes with a motive, like as if i am up to no good. and almost everybody seems to hate me to such a extend, that it seems to be waves of people. people say i am not socialble and friendly... how can i do so when people seems to be always ready to stab me in the back? i trusted my curch people so much, they were my friends... in the end, still stabbed me...

its not that i do not want to know people, its just that, its better that i just stay in a corner, and do my own thing, i do not want this to affect the people that i can really trust, ( i do not want this happen one day "walau, u junliang/kenneth friend ar...)well, its been like that for 5 years, and it seems alright to me, my friends are all ok... i think i should continue to stay like that...

again, HW i dunno how to do, i do not understand anything i have studied... perhaps i should have listened to them, poly is the better place...

BUT!!!

what about my dream? what about my future, my hope, my motivation? fight on...!!!!

thanksgiving concert was the best event so far in my life, teacher performing, doing crazy things (darth vader, neo, austin powers) damn, i never laughed so hard in m life before... i have never seens teacher performing for student, to the extend to putting thier pride aside, it seems that they have shed their skin, they were all different when they performed... man... teachers in SRJC, are freaking cool man...

SRJC is not what i thought it was 9 months ago, i thought that i will die in this school, BUT this school is the best, it will be the greastest if i knew people similar to SAS. its the school to be in! teachers care, principal cares, even some of my best friends care, the reason for us not doing well, i think, its first, the students, and secondly, the teachers aim for us (communication break down)

teachers actually conveyed the message that they want us to all go to uni, they promise to help us, to be there if we need them. CAN U BELIEVE IT? first time in my life a teacher told me point blank, that he or she have all the faith in me that i will go to uni, if i work hard. teachers are actually supporting us! the thanksgiving concert really broke the void between teachers and students... there is still hope. for us, they never look down on us. man... thank God.

everything in my life so far seems to be planned for me. God seems to have reason for everything that is about to happen or has happened (except for why i am being hated by so many people). anyway, i am really blessed.

well? we should look at life on the positive side yea? i guess so...

lets clarify things today, now. lol, theres nth between the both of us. she is just a girl, and i am a boy, and we are just friends. nth else, she told me nth else, so ppl like cheong wei, pls, stop bugging me to tell u anything ok... even to the end of times, there can be nth between us(thats what she says)

so...

lol, watched the SYFC video on the airplane checks, i was laughing all the way man. it was like somekinda cheepo video with cheap voice over as a guide to help u in the external, internal, on flight, touch down checks. i thought it will be all talking, BUT, the last part was in the sky! IN THE SKY!!! argh!!!!!!!!!!!! freaking cool man!!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol, it seems that tuning, yawing, pitching is much easier than the never ending checks. (must be done in correct order) i now realise that if i do sth wrong, i will be scolded, cursed upon, and i might even die... LOL. thank God for creating the skies... its so beautiful up there... if you are those people that think that singapore is small, it is indeed small, and very congested from up in the sky, and i tell you, I CAN SEE UR HOME!!! ARGH!!!!! lol. its damn cool...

today is national day. for the whole event, the only thing that excite me the most is the FLYBY by the f-16s. lol, i was hopping, jumping and screaming my lungs out when the f-16s flew by my home. AR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! theres this part on TV where they show the view from the f-16 cockpit looking at another f-16 as the flew so low across the marina bay area!!!! AR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was freaking cool man!!!! AR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol, i was so excited, i forgot that i was already a 17++ year old... i really really want to be a pilot! i cannot help it but dream of me and lin qiang both in an f-15 jet, flying across the sky, doing missions. DAMN!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!! it will be so cool. lol.

sometimes in life, its better that you clarify everything before doing sth. even though you might sound like a bastard, mother fucker or asshole, even an idiot, its better that you put things right before any misunderstnading occurs. people (at least for my case) tend to think otherwise of you, and especially your actions. therefore, a lesson well learnt today. seems like there is already many misunderstandings, therefore, gotta put things striaght. especially if your friend of the opposite sex is already attached. i just wanna play safe, and just do not want people, especially in church to say things about me again. (i still cannot get over it). really considering to change church, its like... my classmates ask me, why am i like so antisocial in school when i go to church, a place where i mix around with people, both male and female.

heres why (i am not condemning my church, just stating wad happened). it all began when i entered youth service in sec 1. maybe its luck or fate or bad luck, theres only the 4 of us (sec 1s) to enter youth. we were kinda like the smallest batch, at least when we were transfered to youth service. the 4 of us have been together since primary 1, so we are kinda close, so close that we would always hang around in junior church. perhaps its me, perhaps its my face, perhaps its just me, perhaps it my fate, but its just that some people kinda hate me, especially girls (until now, theres no change where girls will just hate me, today, even in SRJC, people just hate me). perhaps its the way i talk, the way i move, the way i look at people, the wya i think, the way i sit, the clothes i wear, people just have sth against me. yes i know its normal for people not accepting you, but its like a MAJOR, a super big scale for me. lets take SRJC for example, my class, my group in ASPIRE camp, photography, the people seems to hate me, and they hate me for things that i do. i do not know are they jealous, or are they just against me, but everything i do, does not seems to be correct, everything i do is wrong, everything i do IS WRONG, IS NOT GD, ITS AGAINST THEM. THEY JUST FREAKING HATE ME. lol. guess i have grown to be immuned to it, (5 years now). perhaps its they way i talk, but when i propose sth to my class for exmple, there is never a reply. when someone else does it, the class reacts. lol, with such examples, i can kinda conclude that life is pretty hard on me yea? i guess for you guys whom tried to comfort me, its true right? eventually, at least for what had happened in church, rumours were spread(rumors that hurt till now), i was called names (how does jinx sound to you?) in the end, 2 of my friends could not stand it, and they left church...

P.S. i am not saying that my church is bad, nor its people evil, and that all churches are bad, and that we christians is bad, all these is just what i have faced. pls do not because of what i have said, prevent you from being a christian... GOD is good ok...

i get really jealous when people can have so many friends around them. things are so different in SRJC and church. its like, i only know a handful of people in these places. whereas in SAS, i knew almost everybody. people will call me across the school building, people will say hi, they will talk to me, they will at least nod a head. i knew so many people in SAS thati feel like home. i never dreaded to go to school, until now, today. i maybe thinking too much, but even the girl from my ASPIRE camp group, ignores me when i smile at her (i dunno her name). lol, perhaps its a price to pay for a photographer, but Yi Bing does not have a problem to have friends, perhaps because he is one handsome, funny, easy going person. too bad yea? even for those whom i thought were "friends", their motive is to get their photos thats all...(they curse and swear at you, then smile and make friends with you after that to get photos, and then, BYE BYE SUCKER) lol, is this the "materialristic world" that i am going to face when i go to work?

well, i got nobody to blame but myself i guess, lol, born out to be like that.

remeber guan jie from my class speaking of commiting suicide, i dunno if what ever he said was true, or just mere blabber of words. he asked if i ever wanted to commit suicide, guess?

i said yes, wanted to do so when i was in sec 2, after what had happened in church, and also because of my results, my life, in fact it was everything. lol. climbed at the window when nobody was at home. i remebered it was at night, i was at the kitchen... it was dark, i was crying, damn scared... i looked down, and guess what, i got no balls, decided not to do so...(i was shivering...)

that was where i realised if i had jumped...man... i would be in hell...forever

thank God...

have you guys ever thought where you guys will be going when you are dead? all i want to know is that i want to go to paradise, away from this stupid place... (no wonder suicide bombers are so willing to blow themselves up, perhaps they are so sick of their lives...)

but, gotta carry on no matter what yea?

(some of you guys will be thinging in ur mind...junliang/kenneth is an EMO kid...)

why not try and live my life for one day? where i have to consider whatever i want to say, do think, do, before i can even start to do it. it seems like everything i do for/to somebody, comes with a motive, like as if i am up to no good. and almost everybody seems to hate me to such a extend, that it seems to be waves of people. people say i am not socialble and friendly... how can i do so when people seems to be always ready to stab me in the back? i trusted my curch people so much, they were my friends... in the end, still stabbed me...

its not that i do not want to know people, its just that, its better that i just stay in a corner, and do my own thing, i do not want this to affect the people that i can really trust, ( i do not want this happen one day "walau, u junliang/kenneth friend ar...)well, its been like that for 5 years, and it seems alright to me, my friends are all ok... i think i should continue to stay like that...

again, HW i dunno how to do, i do not understand anything i have studied... perhaps i should have listened to them, poly is the better place...

BUT!!!

what about my dream? what about my future, my hope, my motivation? fight on...!!!!

thanksgiving concert was the best event so far in my life, teacher performing, doing crazy things (darth vader, neo, austin powers) damn, i never laughed so hard in m life before... i have never seens teacher performing for student, to the extend to putting thier pride aside, it seems that they have shed their skin, they were all different when they performed... man... teachers in SRJC, are freaking cool man...

SRJC is not what i thought it was 9 months ago, i thought that i will die in this school, BUT this school is the best, it will be the greastest if i knew people similar to SAS. its the school to be in! teachers care, principal cares, even some of my best friends care, the reason for us not doing well, i think, its first, the students, and secondly, the teachers aim for us (communication break down)

teachers actually conveyed the message that they want us to all go to uni, they promise to help us, to be there if we need them. CAN U BELIEVE IT? first time in my life a teacher told me point blank, that he or she have all the faith in me that i will go to uni, if i work hard. teachers are actually supporting us! the thanksgiving concert really broke the void between teachers and students... there is still hope. for us, they never look down on us. man... thank God.

everything in my life so far seems to be planned for me. God seems to have reason for everything that is about to happen or has happened (except for why i am being hated by so many people). anyway, i am really blessed.

well? we should look at life on the positive side yea? i guess so...