wad a day today in school. had "wear your own clothes" day today. i wanted to go rent the storm tropper (starwars, white dudes always being sliced by jedis)[if u still dunno what am i talking about, bless u] and wear it to school. well, like always i do not have the time to do anything. all i can do is study, do hw, sleep, eat, i do not even have the time to shit...(i go to school to shit now) lol. i really start to think deep and really considered the reasons why the heck on earth i am here. it seems that i am here so as to achieve my dream. i am really working to my maximum already, sometimes i just feel like crap, sometimes i just go mad and hysterical in school. argh! there is so much to do, so little time.

studying seems to come to nth in the end when all i get back is the test paper with a nice fail grade on it. studied so hard, yet nth seems to come through when i do my paper. time is not having mercy on me, oh well... i do not understand anything in school now, i try to pay attention during lectures, tutorials, but i cannot help but fall asleep. seems like i am the only person in class that falls asleep. its not that i have been playing a fool or anything, is just that my time in school takes up half the day (i leave home at 6.20, come home on an average of 6.30 in the night everyday) my saturdays are burnt away (SYFC leave home 6.15, come home at abt 6, then head striaght for tution until 11) wanna try my life?

i should not be complaining so much abt my life yea? there are children in the world starving, homeless, abused, what have you... i got a nice room, a roof over my head, i got everything a person needs, all blessed by God. i should step back and really thank god for everything he gave me.

the past month was a rather rough one, emotionally. lets say that i did not have any confidence in my life, so much so that i did not even thought and considered what she might have felt. in the back of my head i already knew the answer, but i always fall back on my lack of confidence, and just simply push back all the doubts in my head.she needed time, she told me before, yes i remebered, but i got so selfish in my emotions and actions that i went on to hurt her. i was so selfish to only think about how this is affecting me, and i never considered, or mustered the guts to confront her, to tell her how i felt. i always feel so inferior to her, she is like the best, i always seems to lose my words, my thoughts when she is next to me, so much so i do stupid things. i dunno what to say to her when she call, i dunno how to answer her when she asks, i dunno how to comfort her when she is down. i really feel like an idiot now. i was so angry with myself that i blamed her for everything that has happened to me, but she herself is facing so much problems, and i wasn't there to help her. i was not there when she needs help. her problems are so much more servere that mine, and yet all i did was ignore her, say things that hurt her so much. i am really a fool. and when she told me everything, i was speechless. she sounded very very disappointed, tired, weary. the once cheerful, happy, happy go lucky girl, so full of energy is now so weak on the phone.

all i did was, "ya, yes, emm, no, maybe and then slience..." she never sound like this before when i called her in the past. then i realised that my words made her felt worst. why did i not considered the fact that i already knew that she is in a tough situation? why can't i control my emotions? why did i just jump to conclusions? why did i NOT CONSIDER HER FEELINGS? what was i thinking?

all i needed to do is to repect her decision, and i did not do it. i really did not know she felt that way.

I AM A BOY! NO WAIT, A MEN NOW, AND A GIRL HAS TO COME UP TO A PETTY, NARROWED MINDED KENNETH LIM JUN LIANG TO CLARIFY THINGS. WHERE IS THE INITIATIVE, THE GUTS THAT I AM SUPPOSED TO HAVE???? her words struck me, i was shocked. thats where i felt the chill SLIDE down my spine, followed by the guilt rocketing sky high.

we have both mistaken each other.

great... kenneth, you are a @($*$&)#@U@()@_!_!(!_#@$&*&$#%!%.

its been 5 years now, seen here at desaru during church camp, hated her to the core (because of her hair, and also 90% due to my childishness as a P6 boy) and it started from there, until now...

well, i still feel like a burden to her.

prommos in 4 weeks, gotta study.

gogogo...

wad a day today in school. had "wear your own clothes" day today. i wanted to go rent the storm tropper (starwars, white dudes always being sliced by jedis)[if u still dunno what am i talking about, bless u] and wear it to school. well, like always i do not have the time to do anything. all i can do is study, do hw, sleep, eat, i do not even have the time to shit...(i go to school to shit now) lol. i really start to think deep and really considered the reasons why the heck on earth i am here. it seems that i am here so as to achieve my dream. i am really working to my maximum already, sometimes i just feel like crap, sometimes i just go mad and hysterical in school. argh! there is so much to do, so little time.

studying seems to come to nth in the end when all i get back is the test paper with a nice fail grade on it. studied so hard, yet nth seems to come through when i do my paper. time is not having mercy on me, oh well... i do not understand anything in school now, i try to pay attention during lectures, tutorials, but i cannot help but fall asleep. seems like i am the only person in class that falls asleep. its not that i have been playing a fool or anything, is just that my time in school takes up half the day (i leave home at 6.20, come home on an average of 6.30 in the night everyday) my saturdays are burnt away (SYFC leave home 6.15, come home at abt 6, then head striaght for tution until 11) wanna try my life?

i should not be complaining so much abt my life yea? there are children in the world starving, homeless, abused, what have you... i got a nice room, a roof over my head, i got everything a person needs, all blessed by God. i should step back and really thank god for everything he gave me.

the past month was a rather rough one, emotionally. lets say that i did not have any confidence in my life, so much so that i did not even thought and considered what she might have felt. in the back of my head i already knew the answer, but i always fall back on my lack of confidence, and just simply push back all the doubts in my head.she needed time, she told me before, yes i remebered, but i got so selfish in my emotions and actions that i went on to hurt her. i was so selfish to only think about how this is affecting me, and i never considered, or mustered the guts to confront her, to tell her how i felt. i always feel so inferior to her, she is like the best, i always seems to lose my words, my thoughts when she is next to me, so much so i do stupid things. i dunno what to say to her when she call, i dunno how to answer her when she asks, i dunno how to comfort her when she is down. i really feel like an idiot now. i was so angry with myself that i blamed her for everything that has happened to me, but she herself is facing so much problems, and i wasn't there to help her. i was not there when she needs help. her problems are so much more servere that mine, and yet all i did was ignore her, say things that hurt her so much. i am really a fool. and when she told me everything, i was speechless. she sounded very very disappointed, tired, weary. the once cheerful, happy, happy go lucky girl, so full of energy is now so weak on the phone.

all i did was, "ya, yes, emm, no, maybe and then slience..." she never sound like this before when i called her in the past. then i realised that my words made her felt worst. why did i not considered the fact that i already knew that she is in a tough situation? why can't i control my emotions? why did i just jump to conclusions? why did i NOT CONSIDER HER FEELINGS? what was i thinking?

all i needed to do is to repect her decision, and i did not do it. i really did not know she felt that way.

I AM A BOY! NO WAIT, A MEN NOW, AND A GIRL HAS TO COME UP TO A PETTY, NARROWED MINDED KENNETH LIM JUN LIANG TO CLARIFY THINGS. WHERE IS THE INITIATIVE, THE GUTS THAT I AM SUPPOSED TO HAVE???? her words struck me, i was shocked. thats where i felt the chill SLIDE down my spine, followed by the guilt rocketing sky high.

we have both mistaken each other.

great... kenneth, you are a @($*$&)#@U@()@_!_!(!_#@$&*&$#%!%.

its been 5 years now, seen here at desaru during church camp, hated her to the core (because of her hair, and also 90% due to my childishness as a P6 boy) and it started from there, until now...

well, i still feel like a burden to her.

prommos in 4 weeks, gotta study.

gogogo...