nobody's home, so i took the chance to use the computer now... oh well... feeling real crappy now...

i did not go to school today... my lips are all swollen and dry... i look like a clown now... oh well... its quite painful, at the same time, its freaking irritating now... its like having pins and needles on your lips... crappy...

oh well... slept till about 9.30 and went to see the doc with mom... and mom alone... its been a long long time since we last went out together...

well... the first thing the doc asked was... "did you kiss a girl or sth?" lol... you guys should have seen my mom's stunned face... she was like... "oh yea???!!!" lol... oh well... i did not ok... the doctor says its a kind of infection... i am too stressed... i need to relax... he gave me some medicine ( which makes me fart like mad ) and sth to apply on my lips... my lips are cracking now... looks very gross... oh well...

i missed the guys back in school... we are supposed to have PE today... touch rugby baby... ahhhhh too bad i missed another chance to play rugby today... damn... i really feel kind lost without my class... well, so much for complaining Kenneth, your class is after all... your class... i really missed everyone... especially the guys (i am not gay)... oh well... Monday... and yup... i missed to chance to see her in school today...

well... lets go back to wed... we had sports day in school... the whole day was devoted to sports day... kinda remind me of the days back in SA where we have national day celebrations... there were food, teachers, and of course... SPORTS... Bryan rocked the house yo! he won 4 gold medals in running... god, he even broke the school record of 400m... in 55 seconds... CRAZY... lol, rock on bro... well, i guess the overall winner for boys is RYAN (muscle man)... he won 9 gold medals including high jump and long jump, plus the various running events... god mode... for the gals... it was Bridgette... like i told her... she is back with a vengeance... she won 4 goals i think... oh well... she was FREAKING FAST... lol... never underestimate girls...

well... as for me... I ALSO WON GOLDS ok... 2 gold medals...



touch rugby was really fun... scored 3 tries i think... well... until some JC1... JC1!!!had to spoil the day... well, i played wing for my house... aquila... we were very strong... (we had ryan aka muscle man, and a couple of well... "experienced" people...)-----> including me... LOL!

well, i guess they could not control their frustrations... the guy gave me a super nice flying tackle... remained me of the days back in SAS... inter class FULL CONTACT-no nonsense-RUGBY... oh man... we were all super muddy, tired, and all full of bruises...

it was during a change over, the other team made a forward pass, just nice right in front of me... so i took the ball straight away for a roll over (if it was full contact, touch and go) when i have the ball on the ground, saw a guy charging towards me... well, i anticipated his tackle, and "OOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMM" got tackled... bastard... just went for up upper body, never commit the tackle... i flew, while he just lay flat on the ground...

well, the people in my team went mad... there were curses and everything... Adrian even wanted to punch the guy for me... god... oh well... like what i learned in school "soccer is a game where gangsters are playing a gentleman's game, rugby, is a game where gentleman are playing a gangsters game"...

i was defiantly angry... damn, the guy was shouting as if he wanted to fight me... i wanted to... was really angry that such an asshole was playing TOUCH RUGBY... god, thank God Alvin chew was not there, he would have lost his temple and went straight for that guy... honestly, i was kinda stunned... so i just sat there, and lifted my hands in protest... i remembered someone tackled me after the game was stopped during one of our inter class... some normal guy... i remembered the class going crazy... all were standing up for me... oh well... i guess i am not so hated after all... feels kinda grateful that some one in SR actually stand up for me... the jc1 dude just tackled me, and walked away... coward... well, he made a big hooha out if sth so trivial... his excuse was "people play rough so i play rough back" oh please... if you wanna be so sissy in TOUCH RUGBY... i think he will die in full contact...

well... i asked the touch rugby gals if i did anything wrong, from what i gathered... it was the guys problem... well, thank god... i really thought i did sth wrong on the field... oh well... cannot expect so much from a person whom does not know how to play rugby, i do not blame him... but i just pity him...

well, we won in the end, that's the most important thing... honestly... the tackle was not bad... feels kinda good being tackled... lol

the louis from 1s21 the class i took for orientation, came to look for me to join them for tug of war... DAMN, is it me? or is 1s21 super enthusiastic? man, i guess me and xue feng really did a great job in bonding them... they rocked the house... somemore their boy girl ratio is 1:1... LOL... oh well, they are a super bonded and really really friendly class to be with... we won the tug of war with ease... lol...

sometimes i really wonder... i think i am thinking too much when i think people hate me or sth... oh well... i guess schools not so bad after all... especially so when people have confidence in you... lol... well... i guess i am just thinking too much... thanks ryan for allowing me to play with you guys, and 1s21 too... thank you all so much...


back to today...

well, after the check up... went out with mom to have breakfast... lol, i could predict where she wanted to go... COFFEE BEAN baby! lol!



that was when lq smsed me... LOL... he seems a little sad... well... talked to mom alot, its was like a catching up session... told mom my little secret... she was really suprised (she still thinks i am gay...) well... you should see her face when she saw her photo... she was like... "WHAO!"(eyebrows raised) but she acted cool and say... "wah, she cute, not bad..." lol... i think she is pretty... lol...

well, to prove that i need for "exposure" to the "world beyound my room and school" i ordered a iced latte... when it came, i took a sip immediately... BITTER!!!! mom was laughing like mad... she then brought the syrup and poured into the latte... lol... noob right? she then said "how can any girl like a guys like you?" oh well... mom was pretty excited when i told her about HER... lol... oh well...

i think i am really into her... its like... i did it again... i commited my feeling before anything else... damn, i am into this shit again... i liked another person without her knowing anything... this is super bad... its like a sinful thing to do... i am really gonna get affected by it... AGAIN... oh well... i guess i am not going to tell her anything i guess... after all... i am being too selfish...

well, i can tell she wants to get good grades real bad... and by telling her how i feel, i feel as though she will go mad, and angry that i did not consider what she really wants... i guess... perhaps thats why shes like that?

well, sometimes, i just feel the opposite, she is not like what others seems to describe her... oh well... sometimes, i just wanna do sth, but again, its seems so stupid to do sth like that...
yes yes, all you die hard fans of academic grades people... dun worry i am studying and she is not all thats on my mind... but its the feeling thats affecting me... you know, i do not want this sort of thing to happen, but its my body... the "thing" inside me to think of her when i am on my way home, while i am joggin, well... i cannot forget her... the only time when i am not thinking about her is when i am studying... oh well... its been a long time... and things have not turned better, but worst... i am too into her...

then again... who am i?

i have been praying, honestly, i know its wrong and sinful, but i ask God not to deceive me again... i honestly still think he played a super cruel joke on me the last time... well... i just hope this time... it will not be like the last...

well... its like... argh... i dunno... i know i am too carried away by my emotions, but what if its real?

am i really that lousy? i really do not stand a chance? am i really that crappy? i sometimes ask myself... what will happen if i were to tell her how i feel... i guess she will just turn and walk away... and never talk to me again... oh well...

i still cannot comprehend my thoughts and feelings with words... well...

if only i was someone she likes...

screw emotions...

nobody's home, so i took the chance to use the computer now... oh well... feeling real crappy now...

i did not go to school today... my lips are all swollen and dry... i look like a clown now... oh well... its quite painful, at the same time, its freaking irritating now... its like having pins and needles on your lips... crappy...

oh well... slept till about 9.30 and went to see the doc with mom... and mom alone... its been a long long time since we last went out together...

well... the first thing the doc asked was... "did you kiss a girl or sth?" lol... you guys should have seen my mom's stunned face... she was like... "oh yea???!!!" lol... oh well... i did not ok... the doctor says its a kind of infection... i am too stressed... i need to relax... he gave me some medicine ( which makes me fart like mad ) and sth to apply on my lips... my lips are cracking now... looks very gross... oh well...

i missed the guys back in school... we are supposed to have PE today... touch rugby baby... ahhhhh too bad i missed another chance to play rugby today... damn... i really feel kind lost without my class... well, so much for complaining Kenneth, your class is after all... your class... i really missed everyone... especially the guys (i am not gay)... oh well... Monday... and yup... i missed to chance to see her in school today...

well... lets go back to wed... we had sports day in school... the whole day was devoted to sports day... kinda remind me of the days back in SA where we have national day celebrations... there were food, teachers, and of course... SPORTS... Bryan rocked the house yo! he won 4 gold medals in running... god, he even broke the school record of 400m... in 55 seconds... CRAZY... lol, rock on bro... well, i guess the overall winner for boys is RYAN (muscle man)... he won 9 gold medals including high jump and long jump, plus the various running events... god mode... for the gals... it was Bridgette... like i told her... she is back with a vengeance... she won 4 goals i think... oh well... she was FREAKING FAST... lol... never underestimate girls...

well... as for me... I ALSO WON GOLDS ok... 2 gold medals...



touch rugby was really fun... scored 3 tries i think... well... until some JC1... JC1!!!had to spoil the day... well, i played wing for my house... aquila... we were very strong... (we had ryan aka muscle man, and a couple of well... "experienced" people...)-----> including me... LOL!

well, i guess they could not control their frustrations... the guy gave me a super nice flying tackle... remained me of the days back in SAS... inter class FULL CONTACT-no nonsense-RUGBY... oh man... we were all super muddy, tired, and all full of bruises...

it was during a change over, the other team made a forward pass, just nice right in front of me... so i took the ball straight away for a roll over (if it was full contact, touch and go) when i have the ball on the ground, saw a guy charging towards me... well, i anticipated his tackle, and "OOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMM" got tackled... bastard... just went for up upper body, never commit the tackle... i flew, while he just lay flat on the ground...

well, the people in my team went mad... there were curses and everything... Adrian even wanted to punch the guy for me... god... oh well... like what i learned in school "soccer is a game where gangsters are playing a gentleman's game, rugby, is a game where gentleman are playing a gangsters game"...

i was defiantly angry... damn, the guy was shouting as if he wanted to fight me... i wanted to... was really angry that such an asshole was playing TOUCH RUGBY... god, thank God Alvin chew was not there, he would have lost his temple and went straight for that guy... honestly, i was kinda stunned... so i just sat there, and lifted my hands in protest... i remembered someone tackled me after the game was stopped during one of our inter class... some normal guy... i remembered the class going crazy... all were standing up for me... oh well... i guess i am not so hated after all... feels kinda grateful that some one in SR actually stand up for me... the jc1 dude just tackled me, and walked away... coward... well, he made a big hooha out if sth so trivial... his excuse was "people play rough so i play rough back" oh please... if you wanna be so sissy in TOUCH RUGBY... i think he will die in full contact...

well... i asked the touch rugby gals if i did anything wrong, from what i gathered... it was the guys problem... well, thank god... i really thought i did sth wrong on the field... oh well... cannot expect so much from a person whom does not know how to play rugby, i do not blame him... but i just pity him...

well, we won in the end, that's the most important thing... honestly... the tackle was not bad... feels kinda good being tackled... lol

the louis from 1s21 the class i took for orientation, came to look for me to join them for tug of war... DAMN, is it me? or is 1s21 super enthusiastic? man, i guess me and xue feng really did a great job in bonding them... they rocked the house... somemore their boy girl ratio is 1:1... LOL... oh well, they are a super bonded and really really friendly class to be with... we won the tug of war with ease... lol...

sometimes i really wonder... i think i am thinking too much when i think people hate me or sth... oh well... i guess schools not so bad after all... especially so when people have confidence in you... lol... well... i guess i am just thinking too much... thanks ryan for allowing me to play with you guys, and 1s21 too... thank you all so much...


back to today...

well, after the check up... went out with mom to have breakfast... lol, i could predict where she wanted to go... COFFEE BEAN baby! lol!



that was when lq smsed me... LOL... he seems a little sad... well... talked to mom alot, its was like a catching up session... told mom my little secret... she was really suprised (she still thinks i am gay...) well... you should see her face when she saw her photo... she was like... "WHAO!"(eyebrows raised) but she acted cool and say... "wah, she cute, not bad..." lol... i think she is pretty... lol...

well, to prove that i need for "exposure" to the "world beyound my room and school" i ordered a iced latte... when it came, i took a sip immediately... BITTER!!!! mom was laughing like mad... she then brought the syrup and poured into the latte... lol... noob right? she then said "how can any girl like a guys like you?" oh well... mom was pretty excited when i told her about HER... lol... oh well...

i think i am really into her... its like... i did it again... i commited my feeling before anything else... damn, i am into this shit again... i liked another person without her knowing anything... this is super bad... its like a sinful thing to do... i am really gonna get affected by it... AGAIN... oh well... i guess i am not going to tell her anything i guess... after all... i am being too selfish...

well, i can tell she wants to get good grades real bad... and by telling her how i feel, i feel as though she will go mad, and angry that i did not consider what she really wants... i guess... perhaps thats why shes like that?

well, sometimes, i just feel the opposite, she is not like what others seems to describe her... oh well... sometimes, i just wanna do sth, but again, its seems so stupid to do sth like that...
yes yes, all you die hard fans of academic grades people... dun worry i am studying and she is not all thats on my mind... but its the feeling thats affecting me... you know, i do not want this sort of thing to happen, but its my body... the "thing" inside me to think of her when i am on my way home, while i am joggin, well... i cannot forget her... the only time when i am not thinking about her is when i am studying... oh well... its been a long time... and things have not turned better, but worst... i am too into her...

then again... who am i?

i have been praying, honestly, i know its wrong and sinful, but i ask God not to deceive me again... i honestly still think he played a super cruel joke on me the last time... well... i just hope this time... it will not be like the last...

well... its like... argh... i dunno... i know i am too carried away by my emotions, but what if its real?

am i really that lousy? i really do not stand a chance? am i really that crappy? i sometimes ask myself... what will happen if i were to tell her how i feel... i guess she will just turn and walk away... and never talk to me again... oh well...

i still cannot comprehend my thoughts and feelings with words... well...

if only i was someone she likes...

screw emotions...