had econs today...can you believe it... mid years on a saturday... oh well... if not saturday when right? the paper was a crazy one... like mr tan toh hwee said... it was an experience of a life time... thinking at your feet ( sth which i was obviously not doing, and completing 3 full length essays in 2 hour and 15 minutes...) no time to check, just think, and write... when i ended my last sentence... times up... my handwriting was terrible... oh well... at least i completed the essays... thank god for that... my head now... is empty... econs seems to be gone... numb towards it... its over...


thank God for rina, lq, and lennon... went out with them... if they had not called me along... i would be all alone at home... doing nth rotting my life away... went to marina square... while the dudes were drawing their cash, i went to the airplane model shop to take a look...



i saw it, the A-10 wartog model


a 1:48 sized one... damn huge... and expansive too... about 100 bucks +++... gotta get one of those when after my a levels...


we headed to subway to get rina's lunch, then head over to carls junior! the last time i went there was with kevin neo i guess... the day inbetween our birthday... actually on his birthday... lol, it was back in sec 4... its been a long long time since i last went back there... ordered the same thing... the double western bacon cheese burger... plus crisscut fries... it was the most sinful lunch i had ever taken... plus a super big cup of ice lemon tea... the pimples will come and attack me again... yea... went to the webbie to calculate the calories i have taken in... 1380 for a meal... wtf... i am so dead...



then, theres the gossip period... talked about many things... including about us, as well as conspiracy theories in class and school... found out sth that i should not have found out... rather... i do not want to know nor admit... oh well... its all fake... i trust that you guys will not lie to me... oh well... no i am more confused... it bad to be in my position i tell you...



then again, i am sry in the way that i express my feelings... perhaps i was really... "overboard"... i guess i should not be like that... i am really sorry... but its just... i am really affected by it... yup... i am really sry...


then again, its correct right guys? she is really SOMETHING right? she is different... you will be lying if you say shes not... oh well...



is this the part of life where such feelings are natural? is it a part of growing up? i am really concerned about it... i am still thinking about it... (she is included too) am i really ok? i seem to be obsessed with her... its all wrong... i should not be like that... i am really confused...



then again, i think she knows... at least i can feel she knows... seriously... and i think she hates it... seriously... i really think she hates me to the max now...


i am really lousy... i mean... look at how she responds to me...



you know, i am not typing all these so that i get your pity or your attention or whatever... i am honestly feeling like this... and for some of you... give up on guessing... just say i beg you... please...



i am not desperate or in need to be in a relationship, its just that i am feeling like this and i dunno why... i am really affected by it... i really dunno what is this... why am i feeling like this... its really bugging me... i want it to go away, but then i am so reluctant for it to go, you know, like inbetween of something you dunno... its just so irritating...



typing so much, and looking back on the previous posts, i am really wondering whats happening to me... i seriously think i am mad... like crazy... and stupid... and emotional... am i really like that? i am not like that in secondary school... i do stupid things, i get into trouble in the name of fun... when was i really serious in school? damn... why do i have to feel this way? is this growing up? is this how its supposed to be? i am really confused...


then again, i would be lying if i say that she means nothing at all... after all, she herself is what makes her so... different... and attractive...



should i be so free in my expression of my thoughts? am i being an asshole by typing out how i feel about her? is this a wrong step? is this screwing things up? should i feel like that after all?



in the end of the day, its all about me, me me and me...


looking back, the whole thing, its all about how i feel about her... i think i am really crazy... i can't help but laugh at how foolish i was... like marcus said... loving/liking someone will not make her like you at all... i can finally understand why they say its not a gd thing to have now, especially with my commitments, my dreams, and my future...



then again, by adding her to the equation... life would be good... wait, it would be even better...



but then, honestly... what am i to think this way?



they say one does not need to be anything... honesty, sincerity, being true... seems to be bull shit...



perhaps the face, the person's capability, social life, appearance, intelligence is important... i do not fall in any of the categorises...



by thinking like that, am i looking down on myself? seriously, she is just way beyond me...



if there's anything that i could do to make her at least notice me... i might even try, but then... who am i right?



what should i do? act as nothing is happening? try to be obvious, try to do sth... what am i supposed to do?



i can't talk, i am so bloody shy, i am not socialble, i am not funny, i am messy, i can't give two hoods about things, i am not confident, i get nervous... how am i supposed to even make myself known? then again, theres the A levels, that is more important...



its like trying to balance on a tight rope, with her on one side, the A levels, plus my mom, and all the other things in life... how can i not think about it? everything seems to be affecting me... no point running away... but how am i going to face it?



i thought i could at least be there, when she was sad, but all i did was just stood there, saw her shed a tear... i was stunned, even a girl like her could shed a tear... i wanted to go over... picked up the courage, walked... her head was down, when i reached... nearly reached... her head up, and she was alright... standing there... i could not move... i was stunned... i guess i am really in love with her...


crazy things go through my mind... i would perform for her, i would do sth for her birthday, i was happy for her, i would repect her decision and not say anything on how i feel for now... then again, i know i am not the only one whom see her like that.... i doubt i have the chance... there are other buys way capable/better/suitable for her... but at least, i know i have tried...



she does not need to know... but at least... i have tried... theres more to do, getting to know her friends, the most basic to get to know her more, i can't even do...


all i know is how to play the guitar, taking photos, so useless... i can't even sing properly if i were to perform for her... i am not good at sports, i can't even do well in school... who will accept a guy like me...


if only you see what i see...

had econs today...can you believe it... mid years on a saturday... oh well... if not saturday when right? the paper was a crazy one... like mr tan toh hwee said... it was an experience of a life time... thinking at your feet ( sth which i was obviously not doing, and completing 3 full length essays in 2 hour and 15 minutes...) no time to check, just think, and write... when i ended my last sentence... times up... my handwriting was terrible... oh well... at least i completed the essays... thank god for that... my head now... is empty... econs seems to be gone... numb towards it... its over...


thank God for rina, lq, and lennon... went out with them... if they had not called me along... i would be all alone at home... doing nth rotting my life away... went to marina square... while the dudes were drawing their cash, i went to the airplane model shop to take a look...



i saw it, the A-10 wartog model


a 1:48 sized one... damn huge... and expansive too... about 100 bucks +++... gotta get one of those when after my a levels...


we headed to subway to get rina's lunch, then head over to carls junior! the last time i went there was with kevin neo i guess... the day inbetween our birthday... actually on his birthday... lol, it was back in sec 4... its been a long long time since i last went back there... ordered the same thing... the double western bacon cheese burger... plus crisscut fries... it was the most sinful lunch i had ever taken... plus a super big cup of ice lemon tea... the pimples will come and attack me again... yea... went to the webbie to calculate the calories i have taken in... 1380 for a meal... wtf... i am so dead...



then, theres the gossip period... talked about many things... including about us, as well as conspiracy theories in class and school... found out sth that i should not have found out... rather... i do not want to know nor admit... oh well... its all fake... i trust that you guys will not lie to me... oh well... no i am more confused... it bad to be in my position i tell you...



then again, i am sry in the way that i express my feelings... perhaps i was really... "overboard"... i guess i should not be like that... i am really sorry... but its just... i am really affected by it... yup... i am really sry...


then again, its correct right guys? she is really SOMETHING right? she is different... you will be lying if you say shes not... oh well...



is this the part of life where such feelings are natural? is it a part of growing up? i am really concerned about it... i am still thinking about it... (she is included too) am i really ok? i seem to be obsessed with her... its all wrong... i should not be like that... i am really confused...



then again, i think she knows... at least i can feel she knows... seriously... and i think she hates it... seriously... i really think she hates me to the max now...


i am really lousy... i mean... look at how she responds to me...



you know, i am not typing all these so that i get your pity or your attention or whatever... i am honestly feeling like this... and for some of you... give up on guessing... just say i beg you... please...



i am not desperate or in need to be in a relationship, its just that i am feeling like this and i dunno why... i am really affected by it... i really dunno what is this... why am i feeling like this... its really bugging me... i want it to go away, but then i am so reluctant for it to go, you know, like inbetween of something you dunno... its just so irritating...



typing so much, and looking back on the previous posts, i am really wondering whats happening to me... i seriously think i am mad... like crazy... and stupid... and emotional... am i really like that? i am not like that in secondary school... i do stupid things, i get into trouble in the name of fun... when was i really serious in school? damn... why do i have to feel this way? is this growing up? is this how its supposed to be? i am really confused...


then again, i would be lying if i say that she means nothing at all... after all, she herself is what makes her so... different... and attractive...



should i be so free in my expression of my thoughts? am i being an asshole by typing out how i feel about her? is this a wrong step? is this screwing things up? should i feel like that after all?



in the end of the day, its all about me, me me and me...


looking back, the whole thing, its all about how i feel about her... i think i am really crazy... i can't help but laugh at how foolish i was... like marcus said... loving/liking someone will not make her like you at all... i can finally understand why they say its not a gd thing to have now, especially with my commitments, my dreams, and my future...



then again, by adding her to the equation... life would be good... wait, it would be even better...



but then, honestly... what am i to think this way?



they say one does not need to be anything... honesty, sincerity, being true... seems to be bull shit...



perhaps the face, the person's capability, social life, appearance, intelligence is important... i do not fall in any of the categorises...



by thinking like that, am i looking down on myself? seriously, she is just way beyond me...



if there's anything that i could do to make her at least notice me... i might even try, but then... who am i right?



what should i do? act as nothing is happening? try to be obvious, try to do sth... what am i supposed to do?



i can't talk, i am so bloody shy, i am not socialble, i am not funny, i am messy, i can't give two hoods about things, i am not confident, i get nervous... how am i supposed to even make myself known? then again, theres the A levels, that is more important...



its like trying to balance on a tight rope, with her on one side, the A levels, plus my mom, and all the other things in life... how can i not think about it? everything seems to be affecting me... no point running away... but how am i going to face it?



i thought i could at least be there, when she was sad, but all i did was just stood there, saw her shed a tear... i was stunned, even a girl like her could shed a tear... i wanted to go over... picked up the courage, walked... her head was down, when i reached... nearly reached... her head up, and she was alright... standing there... i could not move... i was stunned... i guess i am really in love with her...


crazy things go through my mind... i would perform for her, i would do sth for her birthday, i was happy for her, i would repect her decision and not say anything on how i feel for now... then again, i know i am not the only one whom see her like that.... i doubt i have the chance... there are other buys way capable/better/suitable for her... but at least, i know i have tried...



she does not need to know... but at least... i have tried... theres more to do, getting to know her friends, the most basic to get to know her more, i can't even do...


all i know is how to play the guitar, taking photos, so useless... i can't even sing properly if i were to perform for her... i am not good at sports, i can't even do well in school... who will accept a guy like me...


if only you see what i see...