went to school to study today... saw shin ee, shu chen, nash, felix, dickson, rina and some other people... oh well... studied for 3 hours straight... econs... being all alone in the canteen just studying is kinda wierd... but at least you are concentrating... the only thing that is damn irritating is the weather... super hot and humid... oh well...



shin ee came to talk to me... talked about many things in life, class, etc... lol, i dun think she realised, but i think we have talked for about 45 mins... thats like a record time yo!... lol...



shin ee, this is for you... DUN CARE WHAT OTHERS SAY OK! JUST DO WHAT YOU DEEM FIT... AND PLEASE, HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE... AND I SUPPORT YOU IN YOUR JIAN FEI REGIME!!! YOU CAN DO IT! ROCK ON...



sometimes in life, you need to talk to a girl... they seem to have a different point of view to things in life... oh well... i guess shin ee is the only approachable gal in class... at least on that is willing to listen and share... if the other girls in class were like her... too bad...



seems like there are many things in life that should not deserve so much thought... but then again, i cannot help it... i just... think...



growing up now is not as easy as many people think... its tougher i believe... there i just so many things to handle and manage... man... will being an adult be worst? i really fear that...



there are many things that i wann say... at least throw out of my heart... but i guess its not the right time... especially so in front of shin ee... i am afraid that i might scare her... oh well... its just that... life is really very very bleek now...



i feel like quiting school... seriously, its not just a thought, i have been thinking about it for a long time... i really want to quit school and join the polytechnic or maybe a culinary school...



its not because i can't take the stress, but this school is just not the place for me... the class is just so wierd, people are just so selfish, the atmosphere is just to intense, so competitive... there is just no one to turn to except a few close people in school (i have only so much friends, you guys know who you are)... my results just do not show the amount of effort i put in... teachers seem to be giving up on me, my parents are doubting my capabilities, i just do not want to waste their money and time on me... tution will take up about $800++ every month, plus my allowance... they spent close to $1000 on me monthly... and yet, my results are just not showing, no matter how hard i try... this is seriously a big big joke on me...



at least, when i am somewhere else, i can still work, and at least support myself... rather that making my parents work so hard... i just feel damn bad... no matter how hard i try, things aren't going the way it should... yes, i feel damn shitty...



was at tution just now, i can't even do simple questions that i have done before... feel so crap, so lously...



perhaps thats why she has got no feelings for me... i am weak, lously, stupid, useless, ugly... unlike her...



then again, i really want to be a fighter pilot, i want it, but the current circumstances aren't helping at all...


why am i born so average? why can't i be born with everything, the looks, the brains, the everything... why?



nash was telling me not to give up, take the midyears as a stage where you can judge your learning, see where you stand, no point crying or being stressed over spilled milk... he's got a point... the aim is the A levels... keep your mind to it, and it will succeed... why am i so weak?



then again...



“You know it ain’t easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There’s no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I’m telling you
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
They’ve been knockin’ me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won’t go away.”


can you guys, please stop guessing who? can you guys please stop gossiping? yes, i may be living like a cliché life... but i am seriously affected by it... unless you wanna help, please, stop it... theres a limit to everything...


then again, i can't stop you from doing so...



i cried today... i just could not take it... all these stress and pressure, plus the emotional crap thats going on... i dunno why, i just cried... so damn sissy... how can guys cry... i did not want to cry, but the tears just came falling down... i really feel so useless...



another reason why she will not like a person like me... i ain't strong, ain't the atheletic person, ain't the guy with looks, ain't the socialble one, ain't the smart one, ain't the popular one, ain't the likeable one, ain't the interesting one. ain't the funny one, ain't the talented one, ain't the sporty one, ain't the boyish one, ain't the cute one, ain't the one....



i am just the opposite of everything... in one 4 words... "a fucked up one"



if you would only take a look at me, i may not be perfect, but at least... i am sth right?



i can't think like that, its after all, a one sided thing, its my problem, not yours...



marcus says it will go away... after all, its been a year... it will go...



but... honestly, i do not want it to go...



cos i will never find another like her...



emo? no, i am not... i just do not want to regret this life...


back to life, back to work, keep the dream alive...

went to school to study today... saw shin ee, shu chen, nash, felix, dickson, rina and some other people... oh well... studied for 3 hours straight... econs... being all alone in the canteen just studying is kinda wierd... but at least you are concentrating... the only thing that is damn irritating is the weather... super hot and humid... oh well...



shin ee came to talk to me... talked about many things in life, class, etc... lol, i dun think she realised, but i think we have talked for about 45 mins... thats like a record time yo!... lol...



shin ee, this is for you... DUN CARE WHAT OTHERS SAY OK! JUST DO WHAT YOU DEEM FIT... AND PLEASE, HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE... AND I SUPPORT YOU IN YOUR JIAN FEI REGIME!!! YOU CAN DO IT! ROCK ON...



sometimes in life, you need to talk to a girl... they seem to have a different point of view to things in life... oh well... i guess shin ee is the only approachable gal in class... at least on that is willing to listen and share... if the other girls in class were like her... too bad...



seems like there are many things in life that should not deserve so much thought... but then again, i cannot help it... i just... think...



growing up now is not as easy as many people think... its tougher i believe... there i just so many things to handle and manage... man... will being an adult be worst? i really fear that...



there are many things that i wann say... at least throw out of my heart... but i guess its not the right time... especially so in front of shin ee... i am afraid that i might scare her... oh well... its just that... life is really very very bleek now...



i feel like quiting school... seriously, its not just a thought, i have been thinking about it for a long time... i really want to quit school and join the polytechnic or maybe a culinary school...



its not because i can't take the stress, but this school is just not the place for me... the class is just so wierd, people are just so selfish, the atmosphere is just to intense, so competitive... there is just no one to turn to except a few close people in school (i have only so much friends, you guys know who you are)... my results just do not show the amount of effort i put in... teachers seem to be giving up on me, my parents are doubting my capabilities, i just do not want to waste their money and time on me... tution will take up about $800++ every month, plus my allowance... they spent close to $1000 on me monthly... and yet, my results are just not showing, no matter how hard i try... this is seriously a big big joke on me...



at least, when i am somewhere else, i can still work, and at least support myself... rather that making my parents work so hard... i just feel damn bad... no matter how hard i try, things aren't going the way it should... yes, i feel damn shitty...



was at tution just now, i can't even do simple questions that i have done before... feel so crap, so lously...



perhaps thats why she has got no feelings for me... i am weak, lously, stupid, useless, ugly... unlike her...



then again, i really want to be a fighter pilot, i want it, but the current circumstances aren't helping at all...


why am i born so average? why can't i be born with everything, the looks, the brains, the everything... why?



nash was telling me not to give up, take the midyears as a stage where you can judge your learning, see where you stand, no point crying or being stressed over spilled milk... he's got a point... the aim is the A levels... keep your mind to it, and it will succeed... why am i so weak?



then again...



“You know it ain’t easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There’s no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I’m telling you
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
They’ve been knockin’ me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won’t go away
They’ve been knockin’ me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won’t go away.”


can you guys, please stop guessing who? can you guys please stop gossiping? yes, i may be living like a cliché life... but i am seriously affected by it... unless you wanna help, please, stop it... theres a limit to everything...


then again, i can't stop you from doing so...



i cried today... i just could not take it... all these stress and pressure, plus the emotional crap thats going on... i dunno why, i just cried... so damn sissy... how can guys cry... i did not want to cry, but the tears just came falling down... i really feel so useless...



another reason why she will not like a person like me... i ain't strong, ain't the atheletic person, ain't the guy with looks, ain't the socialble one, ain't the smart one, ain't the popular one, ain't the likeable one, ain't the interesting one. ain't the funny one, ain't the talented one, ain't the sporty one, ain't the boyish one, ain't the cute one, ain't the one....



i am just the opposite of everything... in one 4 words... "a fucked up one"



if you would only take a look at me, i may not be perfect, but at least... i am sth right?



i can't think like that, its after all, a one sided thing, its my problem, not yours...



marcus says it will go away... after all, its been a year... it will go...



but... honestly, i do not want it to go...



cos i will never find another like her...



emo? no, i am not... i just do not want to regret this life...


back to life, back to work, keep the dream alive...