well, been mugging lately, i kinda lost it these feel days... as in like really lost my mind... i am seriously in the state of panic now... i have not been sleeping these few days, just laying on my bed the whole night... sleeping at about 5 in the morning... waking up at 10... i am seriously going mad... there is so many things that i thought i understand, but i know nothing... chemistry have been and will continue to be hell, maths is still like shit, i have not touch econs, physic is driving me mad...

i am considering if i should stop school now... i think i am better off in the poly, i cannot survive the A level system... i am gonna fail... and i am here, wasting money on tuition that never seem to help me at all... you know how screwed i feel now? like i have been gang raped in the ass until i can feel nothing...

i guess by saying that i am losing it, its kinda like an understatement... cos i think i am mad... there is so many things on my mind, the pressure is getting to me... i think i am going reach the threshold... then breakdown... i am kinda like expecting it... theres no one to turn to to talk to... everyone seems to be in control with their lives except me... sometimes i really ask myself what am i doing this for...

please, this is not like an emo post, i am really feeling like shit now... can somebody just listen and help? i am feeling kinda depressed now... its like everything i do, the success rate will be like 0%? i am expecting to be in the "meet the parent's session" and the teacher will sure go saying i am not doing my homework, i am still playing games, i am not hardworking, all the bad stuff... i am sure thats what they will say... is it my face? is it the way i am that people look at me and see that i am some slacker? fuck...

perhaps its a wrong choice to be in a jc... this system is way beyond me... i just can't seem to grasp the concept behind stuff... going to school seems to be a time for me to rot, to mix around with people so different to me... everyone seems just so in "phase" with everything except me... am i bound for failure? seems like this is the period of time that i am SUPPOSED to fail... what's gonna happen to me in the future?

where are the pals that are with you and will always be with you no matter what? what ever happened to the friends that will listen to you, be there for you? perhaps this is how life is? friends come and go, the best ones always go like the wind... while those "Secondhand friend" will always be there... i seem to be like the "Secondhand friend"... fade in the background, then when you need somebody, then like the last resort, come and find me... everyman for himself i guess...

perhaps my needs for a friend is different from the rest of the people out there... maybe i am just mad, perhaps i already lost it... but seriously, i am breaking down... nothing seem to go the way i want it to go no matter how hard i try, how much effort i put into things...

do i need sometime off? like just relax? fuck... i have no more time... its running out, there is so little time and yet, i feel as though i know nothing in school at all... while everyone is on par with the teacher, i myself see the teacher as though he or she is speaking something so alien...

consultation just seem so useless when the teacher just seem to spent the time with you cos he or she needs to... where are the teachers that will nudge you along the corridor, say hi, ask you how are things? compliment on something you have done... well...

perhaps its time to grow up and face the world? perhaps this is what they describe in books, the cruel world...

there are so many questions in my mind now, and it seems that i myself is going through all these... perhaps this is the situation to see whom are the friends that would really be friends... then again, i myself, am i a good friend? i can't even support myself... how am i supposed to go help others...

alone and helpless... with things just not going your way, life couldn't get any better right?

help? anyone?

well...

perhaps...

just do, don't ask why...

well, been mugging lately, i kinda lost it these feel days... as in like really lost my mind... i am seriously in the state of panic now... i have not been sleeping these few days, just laying on my bed the whole night... sleeping at about 5 in the morning... waking up at 10... i am seriously going mad... there is so many things that i thought i understand, but i know nothing... chemistry have been and will continue to be hell, maths is still like shit, i have not touch econs, physic is driving me mad...

i am considering if i should stop school now... i think i am better off in the poly, i cannot survive the A level system... i am gonna fail... and i am here, wasting money on tuition that never seem to help me at all... you know how screwed i feel now? like i have been gang raped in the ass until i can feel nothing...

i guess by saying that i am losing it, its kinda like an understatement... cos i think i am mad... there is so many things on my mind, the pressure is getting to me... i think i am going reach the threshold... then breakdown... i am kinda like expecting it... theres no one to turn to to talk to... everyone seems to be in control with their lives except me... sometimes i really ask myself what am i doing this for...

please, this is not like an emo post, i am really feeling like shit now... can somebody just listen and help? i am feeling kinda depressed now... its like everything i do, the success rate will be like 0%? i am expecting to be in the "meet the parent's session" and the teacher will sure go saying i am not doing my homework, i am still playing games, i am not hardworking, all the bad stuff... i am sure thats what they will say... is it my face? is it the way i am that people look at me and see that i am some slacker? fuck...

perhaps its a wrong choice to be in a jc... this system is way beyond me... i just can't seem to grasp the concept behind stuff... going to school seems to be a time for me to rot, to mix around with people so different to me... everyone seems just so in "phase" with everything except me... am i bound for failure? seems like this is the period of time that i am SUPPOSED to fail... what's gonna happen to me in the future?

where are the pals that are with you and will always be with you no matter what? what ever happened to the friends that will listen to you, be there for you? perhaps this is how life is? friends come and go, the best ones always go like the wind... while those "Secondhand friend" will always be there... i seem to be like the "Secondhand friend"... fade in the background, then when you need somebody, then like the last resort, come and find me... everyman for himself i guess...

perhaps my needs for a friend is different from the rest of the people out there... maybe i am just mad, perhaps i already lost it... but seriously, i am breaking down... nothing seem to go the way i want it to go no matter how hard i try, how much effort i put into things...

do i need sometime off? like just relax? fuck... i have no more time... its running out, there is so little time and yet, i feel as though i know nothing in school at all... while everyone is on par with the teacher, i myself see the teacher as though he or she is speaking something so alien...

consultation just seem so useless when the teacher just seem to spent the time with you cos he or she needs to... where are the teachers that will nudge you along the corridor, say hi, ask you how are things? compliment on something you have done... well...

perhaps its time to grow up and face the world? perhaps this is what they describe in books, the cruel world...

there are so many questions in my mind now, and it seems that i myself is going through all these... perhaps this is the situation to see whom are the friends that would really be friends... then again, i myself, am i a good friend? i can't even support myself... how am i supposed to go help others...

alone and helpless... with things just not going your way, life couldn't get any better right?

help? anyone?

well...

perhaps...

just do, don't ask why...