as far as i know now, i guess i really have offended many people already... well... i guess its my fault again... guess i am what some people call a "ridiculous" person.

well... sorry if i have offended you in anyway... sorry...

as much as anything is concerned, i belief as for now, theres really no such thing as "perseverance, hard work, and diligence will show you results". i don't know about you people, but i believe theres the need to be practical as well...

ass i am saying is that, well... as much as i am putting in effort, theres this thing, this little voice that keeps telling me to be practical...

its not that i am giving up or being a pessimist again, but yea, as much as statistics have proven, as much as anything to prove, i am quite sure that i don't belong to the group of people whom will make it... i am saying this not out of self-pity or sympathy, but yea, theres this high chance that i will not make it...

after all, how can i score straight A's with 4 U's under my belt?

its just so comical that i am here, studying, putting in my efforts, and in the end of the day, the probability of me not making it is so high... its like some kind of joke that the world is playing on me...

its like being caught in the middle, you know you cannot give up, and yet you also know you may not make it... its like clinging on to false hope...

just take a look st the teachers... i know they are being kind to say encouraging things to me, but its just their body language that give them away...

honestly, perhaps they want a person like me to look back and say "hey, at least i did my best"

but, how can i accept that?

its like trying to save a marriage and in the end not able to save it...

yes, its not the end of the world...

but, thats for you... not for me

after all these years, all that i have done, all that i do, it all leads to my dream to becoming a fighter pilot... my airforce interview is on the 30th, how am i supposed to go for an interview with 4u's???

i mug, i study, all i do so that i can do well, but, lo and behold, everything just back fires at you...

yea, some people say its studying methods, some people say its taking breaks,

for me, its just simply boils down to this...

i am fucking stupid...

how can one person practice so much and yet still fail?

its like nature is telling me to fuck off from this JC system and go to hell,

its like shooting it in my face that i am not as capable as i thought i was...

its like telling me, i am asking for too much...

some people say i should be concentrating on my studies,

i am, i am putting in my effort,

and when people try to say its all going to be worth it, that its going to be paid, i feel so cheated, like as if these people are lying to me...

i have never even passed anything since this year, can you actually believe it?

nothing at all, do you actually know how demoralising this is? do you actually know how it feels to be me?

i try to think of other things to try to escape from this crap, i listen to music, i try to take my mind of this, i go to school everyday telling myself what i want, telling myself that its going to be alright, but is it?

i am losing faith in everything i believe in, trust me, everything...

and it just feels worst when the world seems to want to put you down...

do you know how it feels to be in 2s17?

when everyone is doing well except you,

i honestly feel insulted, i feel so inferior when i step into class,

its like i am the culprit,

if i am not in this class, everything will be better.

its like going to school with a name you do not deserve...

i need something but i don't know what is it,

"passerby" say to be confident, say to motivate myself, i tried, and failed, and failed, and failed...

i know you people are helping, but i just can't move, as much as i want to, i tried, but the circumstances just prevents me...

as far as i am concerned, i try to blog, i try to think about things that will take me away from this, but it all just crumble down against me...

never in my life i felt like this, some people say that i still have a long way to go in life and there are more obstacles in life, i tell you, i am at my worst now... throw me anything in the future and i promise you, i will never feel so useless like now...

now, even though i try, and i will continue to try, i just know that if i don't make it, i can only accept the fact...

you might say that i have a chance, and if i carry such an attitude, i will not make it for sure,

i can only tell you, put yourself in my shoes, and try to be positive...

i will continue to work hard, be positive, and work... but i just hope that you will understand me as a person, look at me as a person that is a man, whom is not superman, i fail at times, i am not perfect, can you please just understand me...

you are looking at a man whom is stuck in the middle, got no where to go, defeated, and yet still wants his dreams so desperately...

this is all...

i have ranted, back to hit the books...

Labels: be my heroine?

as far as i know now, i guess i really have offended many people already... well... i guess its my fault again... guess i am what some people call a "ridiculous" person.

well... sorry if i have offended you in anyway... sorry...

as much as anything is concerned, i belief as for now, theres really no such thing as "perseverance, hard work, and diligence will show you results". i don't know about you people, but i believe theres the need to be practical as well...

ass i am saying is that, well... as much as i am putting in effort, theres this thing, this little voice that keeps telling me to be practical...

its not that i am giving up or being a pessimist again, but yea, as much as statistics have proven, as much as anything to prove, i am quite sure that i don't belong to the group of people whom will make it... i am saying this not out of self-pity or sympathy, but yea, theres this high chance that i will not make it...

after all, how can i score straight A's with 4 U's under my belt?

its just so comical that i am here, studying, putting in my efforts, and in the end of the day, the probability of me not making it is so high... its like some kind of joke that the world is playing on me...

its like being caught in the middle, you know you cannot give up, and yet you also know you may not make it... its like clinging on to false hope...

just take a look st the teachers... i know they are being kind to say encouraging things to me, but its just their body language that give them away...

honestly, perhaps they want a person like me to look back and say "hey, at least i did my best"

but, how can i accept that?

its like trying to save a marriage and in the end not able to save it...

yes, its not the end of the world...

but, thats for you... not for me

after all these years, all that i have done, all that i do, it all leads to my dream to becoming a fighter pilot... my airforce interview is on the 30th, how am i supposed to go for an interview with 4u's???

i mug, i study, all i do so that i can do well, but, lo and behold, everything just back fires at you...

yea, some people say its studying methods, some people say its taking breaks,

for me, its just simply boils down to this...

i am fucking stupid...

how can one person practice so much and yet still fail?

its like nature is telling me to fuck off from this JC system and go to hell,

its like shooting it in my face that i am not as capable as i thought i was...

its like telling me, i am asking for too much...

some people say i should be concentrating on my studies,

i am, i am putting in my effort,

and when people try to say its all going to be worth it, that its going to be paid, i feel so cheated, like as if these people are lying to me...

i have never even passed anything since this year, can you actually believe it?

nothing at all, do you actually know how demoralising this is? do you actually know how it feels to be me?

i try to think of other things to try to escape from this crap, i listen to music, i try to take my mind of this, i go to school everyday telling myself what i want, telling myself that its going to be alright, but is it?

i am losing faith in everything i believe in, trust me, everything...

and it just feels worst when the world seems to want to put you down...

do you know how it feels to be in 2s17?

when everyone is doing well except you,

i honestly feel insulted, i feel so inferior when i step into class,

its like i am the culprit,

if i am not in this class, everything will be better.

its like going to school with a name you do not deserve...

i need something but i don't know what is it,

"passerby" say to be confident, say to motivate myself, i tried, and failed, and failed, and failed...

i know you people are helping, but i just can't move, as much as i want to, i tried, but the circumstances just prevents me...

as far as i am concerned, i try to blog, i try to think about things that will take me away from this, but it all just crumble down against me...

never in my life i felt like this, some people say that i still have a long way to go in life and there are more obstacles in life, i tell you, i am at my worst now... throw me anything in the future and i promise you, i will never feel so useless like now...

now, even though i try, and i will continue to try, i just know that if i don't make it, i can only accept the fact...

you might say that i have a chance, and if i carry such an attitude, i will not make it for sure,

i can only tell you, put yourself in my shoes, and try to be positive...

i will continue to work hard, be positive, and work... but i just hope that you will understand me as a person, look at me as a person that is a man, whom is not superman, i fail at times, i am not perfect, can you please just understand me...

you are looking at a man whom is stuck in the middle, got no where to go, defeated, and yet still wants his dreams so desperately...

this is all...

i have ranted, back to hit the books...

Labels: be my heroine?