went out with the guys last week... seems like everyone changed except me... too bad not everyone was there... we talked alot, joked, ate, and slacked... i keep on telling them how important these guys are to me... but i guess words cannot express how i i owe them... after all these guys were there for me when i needed them most... these are the guys that i have learnt to trust, and to trust them totally... its gay, but i simply love them... after all, the 4 years spent with them are the most memorable time of my life, when life was actually good... we are gonna meet again for bbq, i can' wait...

yes yes, i have put on some weight... darn


happy birthday again Han Rong!!! lol... i had a great time at han rong's birthday... lol, i volunteered to BBQ for him with lin qiang... i went home smelling like roasted pork... lol... i had a great time, met many new people... ESPECIALLY girls... lol... to be honest, i was pretty shy when some of them talked to me... but most of the girls were "stolen" by lin qiang and lennon... lennon was so cool, all the girls was approaching him... lol... i had a great time myself... i laughed alot, made a fool of myself... breathed in gallons of soot... ha...


something caught my attention... something which i thought i had successfully forgotten... apparently many other people knew about my "secret", or so i thought... i was barbecuing when yihua mentioned her name... i was totally shocked...


i don't really know how to react to that... to think about it... when others know... it becomes pretty scary... it was quite embarrassing too, and i don't know why, but its just felt pretty uncomfortable... like i don't want it to be mentioned again... honestly, i don't know why i reacted like that...


the bus ride home after lin qiang alighted was filled with thoughts... i was really thinking hard why did i felt that way, after all, nothing happened between us... was i thinking too much? my head is constantly thinking about her, about how i felt...


after these few days, i realise its just foolish of me to think that way... i was overreacting... in the end, its all but a dream... and illusion that i have painted for myself... ah well... blah...


sometimes, in life, like what i have read, in such situations, a person like me is in a period of "regrettable regrets"... i kinda regret about it... and i guess such opportunity will not come again for me... well...


i have more things to worry about now... my air force interview is on the 19th of dec, 1 pm... i wonder how is it gonna be like? what happens if they were to ask for my results? what will happen if i fail to make it through? what will happen to me? how about my dreams? i am really worried, it seems as though i am entering a seriously screwed period of my life when everything i do is about to fail me... i seriously feel like a pessimist now... well...


went shopping with mom yesterday after church... we went to marina square to take a look at the Crocs shop, then i went to the Model shop to get myself some model planes... i bought a F 22 Raptor as well as an F 86 Sabre...



making model planes is one of those things that can give me a sense of achievement... one of the little things that actually gives me a sense that i am not as useless as i think i am... well...
mom saw this couple, they were about my age... the guy looked ridiculous, typical ah beng... but his girlfriend... was a stunner, mom was asking me if she was looking at something fake... i told her that what she was looking was real... she looked at me and asked why am i not attached when a ridiculous guy can get such a beautiful girlfriend... well... i am not sure myself... do you guys have an answer? i don't have one, perhaps its just fate i guess?

i watched V for Vendetta today... pretty cool movie...

V: I can assure you I mean you no harm.
Evey: Who are you?
V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what, and what I am is a man in a mask.
Evey: Well, I can see that.
V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation, I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.
Evey: Oh. Right.
V: But on this most auspicious of nights permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace sobriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona.
[V throws back his cape.]
V: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition! [He slashes a large V through a propaganda poster.] The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. [giggles] Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me "V".
Evey: Are you, like, a crazy person?
V: I am quite sure they will say so. But to whom, might I ask, am I speaking?
Evey: I'm Evey.
V: Evey? E-V. Of course you are.
Evey: What does that mean?
V: It means that I, like God, do not play with dice and do not believe in coincidence. Are you hurt?
Evey: No, I'm fine...thanks to you.
V: Oh, I merely played my part. But tell me, do you enjoy music, Evey?
Evey: I suppose.
V: You see, I'm a musician of sorts on my way to give a very special performance.
Evey: What kind of instruments?
V: Percussion instruments are my speciality, but tonight I intend to call upon the entire orchestra for this particular event, and would be most honored if you would join me.
Evey: I don't see any instruments.
V: Your powers of observation continue to serve you well. But wait! It is to Madame Justice that I dedicate this concerto, in honor of the holiday she seems to have taken from these parts, and in recognition of the impostor that stands in her stead. Tell me, do you know what day it is?
Evey: Um... November the fourth?
[church bells start tolling 12 midnight]
V: Not anymore. Remember, remember, the fifth of November, the gunpowder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.


such movies, like The Matrix trilogy, makes you question about the things that are happening around you... to be honest, i am begining to question feelings that i have... my opinions, my life... i doubt you guys will understand, but when my life is in such a state... you start to question, if, or anything you belive in acutally is real... searching for someone whom can give me some answers in my life... like verbal answers to the sorry state that i am about to enter...


yes, i know i should trust in God that he will bring me out of this shithole that i am about to enter (Failing my A levels). but, in the first place, why must it happen to me? action-reaction, cause-effect... i have done my part, i don't do evil things, and yet... things just bite me like that... well... all i want is to have a smooth sailing life... well... who am i to complain?


even V yearns for a loved one... am i wrong to do that?

Labels: if...

went out with the guys last week... seems like everyone changed except me... too bad not everyone was there... we talked alot, joked, ate, and slacked... i keep on telling them how important these guys are to me... but i guess words cannot express how i i owe them... after all these guys were there for me when i needed them most... these are the guys that i have learnt to trust, and to trust them totally... its gay, but i simply love them... after all, the 4 years spent with them are the most memorable time of my life, when life was actually good... we are gonna meet again for bbq, i can' wait...

yes yes, i have put on some weight... darn


happy birthday again Han Rong!!! lol... i had a great time at han rong's birthday... lol, i volunteered to BBQ for him with lin qiang... i went home smelling like roasted pork... lol... i had a great time, met many new people... ESPECIALLY girls... lol... to be honest, i was pretty shy when some of them talked to me... but most of the girls were "stolen" by lin qiang and lennon... lennon was so cool, all the girls was approaching him... lol... i had a great time myself... i laughed alot, made a fool of myself... breathed in gallons of soot... ha...


something caught my attention... something which i thought i had successfully forgotten... apparently many other people knew about my "secret", or so i thought... i was barbecuing when yihua mentioned her name... i was totally shocked...


i don't really know how to react to that... to think about it... when others know... it becomes pretty scary... it was quite embarrassing too, and i don't know why, but its just felt pretty uncomfortable... like i don't want it to be mentioned again... honestly, i don't know why i reacted like that...


the bus ride home after lin qiang alighted was filled with thoughts... i was really thinking hard why did i felt that way, after all, nothing happened between us... was i thinking too much? my head is constantly thinking about her, about how i felt...


after these few days, i realise its just foolish of me to think that way... i was overreacting... in the end, its all but a dream... and illusion that i have painted for myself... ah well... blah...


sometimes, in life, like what i have read, in such situations, a person like me is in a period of "regrettable regrets"... i kinda regret about it... and i guess such opportunity will not come again for me... well...


i have more things to worry about now... my air force interview is on the 19th of dec, 1 pm... i wonder how is it gonna be like? what happens if they were to ask for my results? what will happen if i fail to make it through? what will happen to me? how about my dreams? i am really worried, it seems as though i am entering a seriously screwed period of my life when everything i do is about to fail me... i seriously feel like a pessimist now... well...


went shopping with mom yesterday after church... we went to marina square to take a look at the Crocs shop, then i went to the Model shop to get myself some model planes... i bought a F 22 Raptor as well as an F 86 Sabre...



making model planes is one of those things that can give me a sense of achievement... one of the little things that actually gives me a sense that i am not as useless as i think i am... well...
mom saw this couple, they were about my age... the guy looked ridiculous, typical ah beng... but his girlfriend... was a stunner, mom was asking me if she was looking at something fake... i told her that what she was looking was real... she looked at me and asked why am i not attached when a ridiculous guy can get such a beautiful girlfriend... well... i am not sure myself... do you guys have an answer? i don't have one, perhaps its just fate i guess?

i watched V for Vendetta today... pretty cool movie...

V: I can assure you I mean you no harm.
Evey: Who are you?
V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what, and what I am is a man in a mask.
Evey: Well, I can see that.
V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation, I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.
Evey: Oh. Right.
V: But on this most auspicious of nights permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace sobriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona.
[V throws back his cape.]
V: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition! [He slashes a large V through a propaganda poster.] The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. [giggles] Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me "V".
Evey: Are you, like, a crazy person?
V: I am quite sure they will say so. But to whom, might I ask, am I speaking?
Evey: I'm Evey.
V: Evey? E-V. Of course you are.
Evey: What does that mean?
V: It means that I, like God, do not play with dice and do not believe in coincidence. Are you hurt?
Evey: No, I'm fine...thanks to you.
V: Oh, I merely played my part. But tell me, do you enjoy music, Evey?
Evey: I suppose.
V: You see, I'm a musician of sorts on my way to give a very special performance.
Evey: What kind of instruments?
V: Percussion instruments are my speciality, but tonight I intend to call upon the entire orchestra for this particular event, and would be most honored if you would join me.
Evey: I don't see any instruments.
V: Your powers of observation continue to serve you well. But wait! It is to Madame Justice that I dedicate this concerto, in honor of the holiday she seems to have taken from these parts, and in recognition of the impostor that stands in her stead. Tell me, do you know what day it is?
Evey: Um... November the fourth?
[church bells start tolling 12 midnight]
V: Not anymore. Remember, remember, the fifth of November, the gunpowder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.


such movies, like The Matrix trilogy, makes you question about the things that are happening around you... to be honest, i am begining to question feelings that i have... my opinions, my life... i doubt you guys will understand, but when my life is in such a state... you start to question, if, or anything you belive in acutally is real... searching for someone whom can give me some answers in my life... like verbal answers to the sorry state that i am about to enter...


yes, i know i should trust in God that he will bring me out of this shithole that i am about to enter (Failing my A levels). but, in the first place, why must it happen to me? action-reaction, cause-effect... i have done my part, i don't do evil things, and yet... things just bite me like that... well... all i want is to have a smooth sailing life... well... who am i to complain?


even V yearns for a loved one... am i wrong to do that?

Labels: if...