what a week...

flew for 4 times last week... crazy time... wake up in the morning at 6... Singapore time 4 am... go to the classroom... wait for flight... with luxury of time, we still can chill... otherwise, its crunch time... after flight... back to the classroom... mental fly... lunch would usually be sandwiches...

i must say Tamworth is a really beautiful place... its really funny, to say that i am training in the same place where i landed... HA! i am serious, i am using the same airfield where i arrived from Sydney... lol... the scenery up in the sky... the weather, the plane... oh man... this is the life i want... and i am living it right now...

i am so blessed right now, i don't feel deserving at all... i am really humbled with this opportunity... and i dont want to fail... i want this so much... so damn much... and now i am finally here... this is it...

and...

for me to here, far away from home... and yet, theres still her back there willing to wait for me... willing to listen to me splatter all the nonsense, willing to care, think and even feel such strong emotions for me... theres nothing more i can ask...

ha...

i dont really know why, maybe cos she my first... maybe cos this is the first time... but i feel like i have butterflies in my stomach everyday... i think about her, i look at things differently, i constantly ask myself how can i be a better person, how to be someone whom she will not regret giving her heart to... ha... to be honest... i am feeling damn stress...

i dont know why, but yea, perhaps i am one emotional bastard, but perhaps, maybe its time to take myself seriously... never gave myself the opportunity before, this is the time i should grow up, and move...

lol...

as i am typing this post... i am already missing her... damn it...

i guess its official... no wait... its official...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

i am really sacred too... i am really afraid that i would stress her out too much... i mean, she is such a nice person, too good to be true, and i just want to see her happy...

my parents dont even know about it... lol... i doubt hers also... i guess this is what you call going rouge... LOL!

i guess, as for now... 4 days...

i gotta respect her decisions, i have to give her personal space, i have to be there when she needs me, i gotta communicate with her, i have to be honest, i have to be open, and i have to be sincere and support her... and so many more...

heavy words if you are asking me...

you know, i always thought it would be easy... but no... lol... such words carry so much weight, too much , too little, gotta find a balance...

at the same time, i don't want her to know that i am doing all these... cos she will be so stressed out... i want her to just... be herself... cos that's what i really like about her...

simple... and blur... lol...

i guess one thing i've learnt from so many people, especially from my parents... its the amount of effort one puts into something... its shows how much you cherish it, how much you want it, and it reflects on your attitude...

i am not perfect also... but i can always try...

i just dont want to make her suffer what i experienced... to actually believed in something so much, and when it backfired... too much to handle...

i have to change the way i talk to people... especially with her... cos i think dad had really gave me some negative traits... lol... we are too quiet when it comes to being honest and saying those 3 words...

you see... dad is a guy, whom is just too cold sometimes... i know he really really loves my mom, but he just finds it hard to say it... he believes that by his actions, mom will understand... and to make things worst... dad is not spontaneous enough, and he doesnt think before he speaks...

AND I AM LIKE HIM...

lol, i dont hate my dad ok... its just that... he refuses to change... and its quite irritating...LOL!

i guess now you know why i am so stressed right?

my mom once told me, i should not be thinking how good my gf can be... but how good i can be, as a bf not only for her, but for her family... and how is she going to know how much i feel about her when i dont be honest to myself and say the right things?

it happened 2 days ago... even though my heart was beating... i could not say anything... it was so awkward... i dont know why... and i hate it... cos she would be wondering if i am actually being serious...


i have to be spontaneous, and i have to work on it... especially my tone... i need to improve...

and... trust...

i have to trust myself that i can allow her to trust me right?

lol...

why am i being so serious about myself lately? is this me? HAHA!

oh well...

i am thinking what to get for her...

whats nice for a girl?

ear rings? hairbands? bags?

i dont know....

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

why are you still sleeping!!!! WAKE UP AND TALK TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HA...

i am going nuts...

what a week...

flew for 4 times last week... crazy time... wake up in the morning at 6... Singapore time 4 am... go to the classroom... wait for flight... with luxury of time, we still can chill... otherwise, its crunch time... after flight... back to the classroom... mental fly... lunch would usually be sandwiches...

i must say Tamworth is a really beautiful place... its really funny, to say that i am training in the same place where i landed... HA! i am serious, i am using the same airfield where i arrived from Sydney... lol... the scenery up in the sky... the weather, the plane... oh man... this is the life i want... and i am living it right now...

i am so blessed right now, i don't feel deserving at all... i am really humbled with this opportunity... and i dont want to fail... i want this so much... so damn much... and now i am finally here... this is it...

and...

for me to here, far away from home... and yet, theres still her back there willing to wait for me... willing to listen to me splatter all the nonsense, willing to care, think and even feel such strong emotions for me... theres nothing more i can ask...

ha...

i dont really know why, maybe cos she my first... maybe cos this is the first time... but i feel like i have butterflies in my stomach everyday... i think about her, i look at things differently, i constantly ask myself how can i be a better person, how to be someone whom she will not regret giving her heart to... ha... to be honest... i am feeling damn stress...

i dont know why, but yea, perhaps i am one emotional bastard, but perhaps, maybe its time to take myself seriously... never gave myself the opportunity before, this is the time i should grow up, and move...

lol...

as i am typing this post... i am already missing her... damn it...

i guess its official... no wait... its official...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

i am really sacred too... i am really afraid that i would stress her out too much... i mean, she is such a nice person, too good to be true, and i just want to see her happy...

my parents dont even know about it... lol... i doubt hers also... i guess this is what you call going rouge... LOL!

i guess, as for now... 4 days...

i gotta respect her decisions, i have to give her personal space, i have to be there when she needs me, i gotta communicate with her, i have to be honest, i have to be open, and i have to be sincere and support her... and so many more...

heavy words if you are asking me...

you know, i always thought it would be easy... but no... lol... such words carry so much weight, too much , too little, gotta find a balance...

at the same time, i don't want her to know that i am doing all these... cos she will be so stressed out... i want her to just... be herself... cos that's what i really like about her...

simple... and blur... lol...

i guess one thing i've learnt from so many people, especially from my parents... its the amount of effort one puts into something... its shows how much you cherish it, how much you want it, and it reflects on your attitude...

i am not perfect also... but i can always try...

i just dont want to make her suffer what i experienced... to actually believed in something so much, and when it backfired... too much to handle...

i have to change the way i talk to people... especially with her... cos i think dad had really gave me some negative traits... lol... we are too quiet when it comes to being honest and saying those 3 words...

you see... dad is a guy, whom is just too cold sometimes... i know he really really loves my mom, but he just finds it hard to say it... he believes that by his actions, mom will understand... and to make things worst... dad is not spontaneous enough, and he doesnt think before he speaks...

AND I AM LIKE HIM...

lol, i dont hate my dad ok... its just that... he refuses to change... and its quite irritating...LOL!

i guess now you know why i am so stressed right?

my mom once told me, i should not be thinking how good my gf can be... but how good i can be, as a bf not only for her, but for her family... and how is she going to know how much i feel about her when i dont be honest to myself and say the right things?

it happened 2 days ago... even though my heart was beating... i could not say anything... it was so awkward... i dont know why... and i hate it... cos she would be wondering if i am actually being serious...


i have to be spontaneous, and i have to work on it... especially my tone... i need to improve...

and... trust...

i have to trust myself that i can allow her to trust me right?

lol...

why am i being so serious about myself lately? is this me? HAHA!

oh well...

i am thinking what to get for her...

whats nice for a girl?

ear rings? hairbands? bags?

i dont know....

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

why are you still sleeping!!!! WAKE UP AND TALK TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HA...

i am going nuts...