its been a long time since i last blog'ed... the A levels are over... i have mixed feelings about it... but it seems as though i will get the same results i got for prelims... i am expecting 4 U's... well... looking for available courses i can take up in poly... i am thinking of aerospace engineering... anybody has any insights? will appreciate if you can provide me with some info about aerospace engineering...


well... i am basically wasting my time now... just exercising daily to prepare myself for army... its will be 2 years before i enter poly... to think of it, i think i have wasted 2 years of my life... i have no idea what its gonna be like to be in poly... well... its kinda hard to swallow, especially in this time period now when i know i am going to fail my A levels... i have no idea how to tell my parents that i have tried my best... things just don't add up for me... i work hard, i put in the effort, i did my part... but my results are still... like crap... some people tell me SIM... my parents can't support me... how? its like a waiting game... it sucks... seriously...


its been a few weeks since the last paper... prom night is around the corner... i was running with stefanus yesterday to boon keng when he asked if i was going for my school's prom... i told him about the class, and that all the girls are not going... so... whats the point when only 8 guys from the class are going for prom... he was kinda shocked when he heard that... i was not surprised... he said that this was pretty weird, and did not expect such a thing would happen... well... i told him if i could turn back time, he should spent a day in our class... to think of it... its kinda weird to spent 2 years with a group of people and have very minimum communication between each other...


well.. its over... so much for my expectations... i thought that life in a mixed school would be better than SAS... i guess i was wrong... maybe because i am not used to the "ways" to approach and socialise with the opposite sex, but it seems as though my friends in school are all guys... lol... its like as if i am a sexist... well... its kinda embarrassing to admit that i myself have always imagined about the girl of my dreams, spending time in school, taking the same bus together... you know, the "perfect school life"... well, perhaps its either i have watched too much shows and anime, or maybe its never attainable, but one thing for sure, its never gonna happen for me... well...


now that i am no longer a student, i am beginning to worry about many other things... i am going to be slower than the rest of my peers by 2 years, maybe 3 years... things are gonna change for me, i may have to work part time and study part time after NS... things will become tough for me... while people are having a great time in the university, i will be in poly, studying, to say that poly life is slack, would be a lie, after all, only the top 10% are eligible for the university... then, what if after my poly, i don't make it to the local university? what am i going to do then? how am i going to survive in the singapore society?


well... pardon me, but i would like to complain... life is really unfair to me... though 90% of this is caused by my decision... but life have been pretty unfair not to give me the remaining 10%... all i am asking is for a nice and fulfilling time as a student... and what i get in the end, is far from it... well... life is unfair... you never get what you want...


besides sitting here, waiting for the worst... my dreams... its gone... shattered now... how is the airforce gonna accept a person whom is gonna fail his A levels? what am i gonna do? my dream, my passion that have driven me... its just gone like that... all that i have dreamt about, wished, expected, all gone... and i have to go through the suffering to see it just slip away from me... how nice...


yea, i know, some of you people are just gonna read this and say, "kenneth, is emo"... perhaps try to put yourself in my shoes? for 4 years, you are working hard, and expecting for something you thought was gonna be great, for 2 years, you went through hell, your expectations seems to become lie (and it only applies to me), people whom are in the same situation as you are having the time of your life while you are just suffering... your dreams are all shattered, even though you worked your ass for it... perhaps life is unfair to me?


maybe i am trying too hard... maybe i am not fit to be successful, maybe this is just not my life... i really don't know... but this agony... to know that my friends are gonna do well and move on to university while i be left behind, is not a nice thing to think about...


am i asking too much? Action-Reaction, Cause-Effect... i paid the price... but i do not get what i deserve... nice...


its kinda difficult to accept the situation that i am entering... well...


went out with the NCC guys yesterday... i had a really good time... we talked alot, talked about life, about past experiences... one thing that really struck me was when timothy asked me about liking another person... someone to talk to, someone special, someone you actually have feelings for... maybe because of past experiences, for me, i am kinda numb to such feelings... it has become something unreal and unattainable for a person like me... its like, i never wanna think of something like this again... its just gonna be worst... i try to ignore it the best i could... i know its not gonna help, but its the best i can do now...


i remember one experience, when i put in so much, and yet, was played like a fool... the other never felt anything, neither did she say anything... its weird how girls can tear your guts out and still wanna be friends... well... life is unfair...


perhaps i should stop complaining, and just thank God for everything i have? well...
for now, my life is in a mess...

it seems like the more i want something, the more i don't get it... well...

Labels: i am better off this way... i guess...

its been a long time since i last blog'ed... the A levels are over... i have mixed feelings about it... but it seems as though i will get the same results i got for prelims... i am expecting 4 U's... well... looking for available courses i can take up in poly... i am thinking of aerospace engineering... anybody has any insights? will appreciate if you can provide me with some info about aerospace engineering...


well... i am basically wasting my time now... just exercising daily to prepare myself for army... its will be 2 years before i enter poly... to think of it, i think i have wasted 2 years of my life... i have no idea what its gonna be like to be in poly... well... its kinda hard to swallow, especially in this time period now when i know i am going to fail my A levels... i have no idea how to tell my parents that i have tried my best... things just don't add up for me... i work hard, i put in the effort, i did my part... but my results are still... like crap... some people tell me SIM... my parents can't support me... how? its like a waiting game... it sucks... seriously...


its been a few weeks since the last paper... prom night is around the corner... i was running with stefanus yesterday to boon keng when he asked if i was going for my school's prom... i told him about the class, and that all the girls are not going... so... whats the point when only 8 guys from the class are going for prom... he was kinda shocked when he heard that... i was not surprised... he said that this was pretty weird, and did not expect such a thing would happen... well... i told him if i could turn back time, he should spent a day in our class... to think of it... its kinda weird to spent 2 years with a group of people and have very minimum communication between each other...


well.. its over... so much for my expectations... i thought that life in a mixed school would be better than SAS... i guess i was wrong... maybe because i am not used to the "ways" to approach and socialise with the opposite sex, but it seems as though my friends in school are all guys... lol... its like as if i am a sexist... well... its kinda embarrassing to admit that i myself have always imagined about the girl of my dreams, spending time in school, taking the same bus together... you know, the "perfect school life"... well, perhaps its either i have watched too much shows and anime, or maybe its never attainable, but one thing for sure, its never gonna happen for me... well...


now that i am no longer a student, i am beginning to worry about many other things... i am going to be slower than the rest of my peers by 2 years, maybe 3 years... things are gonna change for me, i may have to work part time and study part time after NS... things will become tough for me... while people are having a great time in the university, i will be in poly, studying, to say that poly life is slack, would be a lie, after all, only the top 10% are eligible for the university... then, what if after my poly, i don't make it to the local university? what am i going to do then? how am i going to survive in the singapore society?


well... pardon me, but i would like to complain... life is really unfair to me... though 90% of this is caused by my decision... but life have been pretty unfair not to give me the remaining 10%... all i am asking is for a nice and fulfilling time as a student... and what i get in the end, is far from it... well... life is unfair... you never get what you want...


besides sitting here, waiting for the worst... my dreams... its gone... shattered now... how is the airforce gonna accept a person whom is gonna fail his A levels? what am i gonna do? my dream, my passion that have driven me... its just gone like that... all that i have dreamt about, wished, expected, all gone... and i have to go through the suffering to see it just slip away from me... how nice...


yea, i know, some of you people are just gonna read this and say, "kenneth, is emo"... perhaps try to put yourself in my shoes? for 4 years, you are working hard, and expecting for something you thought was gonna be great, for 2 years, you went through hell, your expectations seems to become lie (and it only applies to me), people whom are in the same situation as you are having the time of your life while you are just suffering... your dreams are all shattered, even though you worked your ass for it... perhaps life is unfair to me?


maybe i am trying too hard... maybe i am not fit to be successful, maybe this is just not my life... i really don't know... but this agony... to know that my friends are gonna do well and move on to university while i be left behind, is not a nice thing to think about...


am i asking too much? Action-Reaction, Cause-Effect... i paid the price... but i do not get what i deserve... nice...


its kinda difficult to accept the situation that i am entering... well...


went out with the NCC guys yesterday... i had a really good time... we talked alot, talked about life, about past experiences... one thing that really struck me was when timothy asked me about liking another person... someone to talk to, someone special, someone you actually have feelings for... maybe because of past experiences, for me, i am kinda numb to such feelings... it has become something unreal and unattainable for a person like me... its like, i never wanna think of something like this again... its just gonna be worst... i try to ignore it the best i could... i know its not gonna help, but its the best i can do now...


i remember one experience, when i put in so much, and yet, was played like a fool... the other never felt anything, neither did she say anything... its weird how girls can tear your guts out and still wanna be friends... well... life is unfair...


perhaps i should stop complaining, and just thank God for everything i have? well...
for now, my life is in a mess...

it seems like the more i want something, the more i don't get it... well...

Labels: i am better off this way... i guess...